Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize