guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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