I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
