Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
