After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
