The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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