is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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