piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
