My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it because I queefed?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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