obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
