i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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