3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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