hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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