Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
