I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize