I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
