Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
