Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
