So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize