He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
