I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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