Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
