I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
