I think my vagina is haunted
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
