Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
