so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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