bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
