Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
