If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
