my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
