It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
