He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
