my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can text with my tongue
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
