Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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