I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
