I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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