Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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