I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
