i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
