i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
