Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
