i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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