so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
