stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
