is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
