im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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