If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
