Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
