We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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