chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
