I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My cat gives me a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
