when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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