You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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