if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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