he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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