and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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