I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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