I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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