Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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