My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
