We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
