mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
