Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize