i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
worst night to have a conscience
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
