you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
