You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
