I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your penis caused this!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
