I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
